About a month ago, I left my last and final controlling relationship and moved into an apartment. I knew the apartment complex was risky due to the age, location, cheap rent and accepting of Section 8. However, I was desperate to leave my boyfriend and his house, I was familiar with the city from years ago, and the apartment complex office staff was super friendly and young. My only experience though with the environment of this apartment complex was the office, which is on the lower level of an apartment building and there are people coming and going constantly. It never occurred to me that my apartment would be located in another building, way on the far side of the office and on the corner of the complex no less. If I could have foreseen the unfortunate event that led me to write this post, things would have much different, or so I think.
My daughter and I are both very sweet people. We strive to always be kind to others and try to engage with others when we are in public. When we moved into the apartment, everyone we said hello to, said hello back and they were all very kind. The two men we met often were typically sitting on the front steps of the building we live in. They always said hi back and one of them even got up and opened the door for my daughter and I, as well as for me when I was alone. I was excited to tell my daughter how happy I was that we were in a safe place with nice people.
Having nice people around made me feel safe. I thought the more people my daughter and I knew around the apartment complex, the safer we would be. My daughter likes to wander Minnesota trails and walk around exploring places and being with nature. It has always been a challenge to let her live in harmony, while trying to keep her safe. One night at around 9:30 p.m. my daughter asked me if she could meet her best friend in the apartment complex parking lot, as her friend had something to give her. I consented and remained in the apartment upstairs. All turned out well. Another night, my daughter wanted to wander to the complex and see the lake and such. She was dressed in a very skimpy outfit and it was around 9:30 at night. I told that her timing was not responsible and her outfit, though it should not make a difference, would set her up for advances. She changed into jeans and a jacket and asked if she could go then. I was almost in tears and begged her with my gaze to not go out and she recognized my thoughts and decided to stay in.
My daughter being the social butterfly at night and the vampire during the day again requested that she go down to the apartment complex parking lot around 9:30 at night to meet her best friend, who had a birthday gift for her. I was in my night clothing and in bed at the time. I allowed her to go and again remained in the apartment upstairs. My daughter returned shortly and just stared at me when she entered. Happy that she returned safely, I returned to bed. The next morning, my daughter comes into my room and says she has something to tell me. She proceeded to tell me that a man blocked her from getting into the building and told her of the sexual things that he would like to do to her. She said there was another guy that was in the distance, but he just watched. I broke into tears and hugged my daughter. I couldn't believe what I was hearing, but I knew instantly who the men were. I was sick to my stomach and highly triggered from years of sexual advances, harassment and assault from men throughout my years. Luckily, this particular day was my daughter's day to see her psychologist. We got ready and first visited the apartment complex manager. My daughter was so brave in telling the young, male manager the happenings of the event. The manager was empathetic and angry and told us he will take action. He also insisted that we go to the local police and file a report.
At the local police station, my daughter and I were instructed to go out into the entry area, pick up the phone on the wall and tell the person who answers which police station location we were at and that we need to file a complaint. The person on the phone took my daughter's and my information and told us to wait for an officer to arrive. After an uncomfortable wait, an officer came out and greeted us kindly. He took us into a nearby room and asked what the complaint was about. My brave daughter told him of the event that took place and asked me to step out to get further details of the man's desires. After the meeting, I was given a piece of paper with the case number, the officer's name and badge number and crime victim information. The officer told us that he was going to talk to the apartment complex manager and try to track down the man that harassed my daughter. Our next stop was to the therapy appointment. Though my daughter never really discussed the event with me in detail she did ask that we go to the store to get a journal and a knife. I was thrilled to do both.
The days following the sexual harassment against my daughter were terrifying and I was spiraling into a well of fear and cruel memories. I sent my daughter back to her dad's house so she would be safe and I wouldn't have to worry about her. I couldn't stop crying and I pushed everyone away so I could sort out the event, get a grip on my own emotions and come up with a plan of action. My fear turned into anger for having to send my daughter away, anger toward men, and anger toward the mom who is harboring and protecting her pedefile son in the apartment building that we live in.
On the 3rd day after the event, I went back to the police station and retrieved the case report as well as information on how to file a restraining order. I consulted a young neighbor who offered to help and learned of the man and his mother. I re-visited the apartment manager to learn what steps I can take and what penalties I will face if I break the lease and move out. I found a local women and teenage self-defense academy and enrolled my daughter and myself into an Introduction to Women's Self Defense workshop for women. Then, I set out to spread the word to everyone that I came in contact with.
We are at day five since the pedefile blocked and sexually harassed my 16-year-old daughter outside of our apartment complex. I have learned that there are two other doors leading to the complex that will enable my daughter to come in and out unnoticed by the pedefile. I have consulted my daughter on the fact that although she wants to and should be able to without the unwanted attention of men, dress in cute and revealing clothing, it only makes bad men notice her more. I have been sharing my findings with my daughter of just how unsafe this apartment complex is. The lighting is very dim at the entryway, the garage has no lighting at all and you have to manually open and close the garage door, the two alternate doors have locks that don't even work, the equipment in the exercise room faces away from the door so you cannot even see who is coming in, the pedefile is not on the lease, though he is able to stay at his mom's when he wants, leave the door propped open and smoke weed and cigars right on the front steps, he is allowed to continue to harass children and has repeated complaints against him.
The story will continue from here, and I assure you that I will continue to fight for the safety of all that are innocent. I have applied for an apartment in a complex that is closer to my daughter's dad, in the city where we came from. I do plan to expose the weaknesses within this complex, explain the possible process that one may go through in a situation like this, and hopefully help others through this blog.
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